How Do I Tell My Spouse About Collaborative Divorce?

As a collaboratively trained family law attorney, one of the process options that I discuss at my consultations is the Collaborative Divorce Process. In this process, each spouse retains a collaboratively trained attorney and the couple commits to settling all of their issues outside of Court with a Team of professionals. In addition to the 2 attorneys and 2 spouses, the Team usually includes a financial neutral, divorce coach (mental health professional) and sometimes a business valuation expert and/or child specialist, depending on the family’s assets and needs. The Team will review and sign a Collaborative Participation Agreement outlining the guidelines of the process and committing to this non-adversarial approach.

Sounds respectful, kind, and helpful, right? You are on board. But… what about your spouse? How do you initiate the conversation and where do you begin? Collaborative seems so new and your family members and friends who were recently divorced used the adversarial court process, which you’d like to avoid at all costs.

DO NOT PANIC. This is what the collaboratively trained attorney is here for! I have utilized many different options to help clients explore this process with their spouse. It might take some time and further research, but ultimately, if you and your spouse are like-minded in terms of the process you’d like to use, the Collaborative Process can be a very viable option.

Ideas that I have used with some of my Collaborative clients:

1. Offer a joint process consultation so both spouses can learn about the Collaborative Divorce Process and hear the same thing at the same time. They will also benefit from hearing each other’s questions and the answers to those questions. Thereafter, I can refer the spouse to other collaboratively trained attorneys so they can interview someone 1-on-1, as well.

2. I can draft a detailed letter to your spouse, explaining the Collaborative Process and providing a list of other collaboratively trained attorneys that the spouse can meet with/interview for more details.

3. I can refer the client and his/her/they spouse to a collaboratively trained divorce coach who can explain the Collaborative Divorce Process and answer any questions. The divorce coach can also further explain his/her/their role as the neutral divorce coach on the Team.

4. Send resources to your spouse, e.g. (a) the website for the MI Collaborative Practice Institute of MI; (b) the video on my website regarding the Collaborative Process; or (c) The Story of the Orange video from California. Allow your spouse some time for individual research before discussing a 2nd follow up option (e.g. 1-3 above).

OR, other ideas that come up during our consultation based on your specific concerns and goals. If you are interested in the Collaborative Process, it is worthwhile exploring with your spouse. It is completely normal to be a little scared of initiating this conversation, but I am here to guide you through that process and find a method that resonates with you and makes you feel the most comfortable. We are a team from the beginning.

If you’d like to learn more about the Collaborative Divorce Process - please do not hesitate to reach out and schedule a consultation with Jessica Heltsley. (734) 531-8554; jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com.

-JH-

FAQ - Can We Waive Child Support?

I work with many couples who like to think creatively when it comes to child support. I often get asked if parents can “waive” child support or set child support to $0.00 and make their own arrangements outside of Court/Friend of the Court. The answer is, “it depends.” (A lawyer favorite!)

The State of MI does have Child Support Guidelines which must be calculated in every family law case involving minor children. However, once those guidelines are calculated, most parents have the option of deviating up or down from the guidelines. Why most but not all? In order to deviate from the guidelines, neither parent can be receiving any public assistance/state aid (e.g. food stamps, unemployment benefits, Medicaid for the children). If neither parent is receiving public assistance, then more options might be available to them.

Sometimes the child support guidelines don’t suit the family’s needs. Some examples: (1) the parents earn a very similar income, they share 50/50 parenting time, and the child support award is minimal, e.g. $50 or less per month and the parents would like to waive down to $0; (2) the parents would like to utilize a joint bank account for children’s expenses and make contributions directly to that bank account each month vs. a more traditional, monthly child support payment; (3) the parents have agreed to a list of categories/expenses to share pro rata income instead of a traditional, monthly child support payment, which more accurately reflects the family’s costs and needs; (4) one of the parent’s owns a business and income is not as black and white as a W2 employee, so the parents want to be more creative with how they structure support payments.

In addition to deviating from the child support guidelines, parents can decide whether they’d like to Opt Out of Friend of the Court services and just handle support directly vs. through Friend of the Court. Again, neither parent can be receiving any public assistance and the parents must be able to trust one another to make timely & accurate payments. Once parents opt out of Friend of the Court, they can always opt back in at a future date, should it be necessary. Both parents will be required to review & sign an “Advice of Rights” form acknowledging their right to use Friend of the Court but the voluntary agreement to opt out.

If you have a unique scenario and feel that you might qualify for a child support deviation, it’s important to discuss all of the options with your attorney. There are extra forms required by the Court to explain the deviation and to get it approved. However, this happens in many amicable cases when the family can work together to create an arrangement that works best for them. Please do not hesitate to reach out and schedule a consultation to discuss your specific circumstances and process options.

(734) 531-8554 or jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

-JH

Divorce Process Continues Despite COVID-19

By now you have seen several articles in the news about the backlog that Courts are facing due to the delays from COVID-19 Stay at Home Orders. Many articles stress that the pandemic has slowed the divorce process due to limited access to the Courts.

However, that is not entirely true. Welcome to the Collaborative Divorce Process. While this Process has been around since the 1990s and utilized by many Collaborative Divorce Practitioners worldwide prior to the pandemic, it has never been more relevant, helpful, and beneficial to families going through a major life transition.

The Collaborative Divorce Process allows spouses to resolve all issues related to their divorce while staying out-of-court. Each spouse will have their own Collaborative family law attorney with the option of involving additional team members such as a divorce coach (licensed mental health professional); financial neutral; child specialist; business valuator, and/or any other professionals who would be helpful for the family’s circumstances. The team holds as many meetings as necessary to work through the various aspects of a divorce settlement agreement (e..g custody, parenting time, child support, spousal support, property division). These meetings are now taking place via Zoom, which not only allows families to continue meeting safely during this pandemic, but it also provides more convenience by eliminating travel time to and from various offices.

Once the couple reaches a final resolution, the attorneys will guide the clients through the Court process and the Judge will sign off on all final paperwork. Even during the pandemic, when a couple has already settled prior to filing their court case, Judges tend to schedule a court date as soon as possible (within the time frames required by Michigan law). In addition, in certain counties, Judges have been more willing to proceed with Zoom or telephone hearings when couples have already settled because the hard work has already been completed. The Judge will only need to hear a few sworn statements from the couple and all final documents can be electronically filed, keeping the team safe and out-of-court during this pandemic. Not to mention, the Judges will appreciate the fact that the family has utilized an out-of-court option, helping them slowly eliminate their current backlog, so they are more likely to accommodate.

Important takeaway: You have options. The divorce process can continue out-of-court and families can do so with the support of a team. convenient meeting times, and moving at a pace that is most comfortable for the family with no court deadlines or backlog issues lingering over their heads.

If you’d like to find out more about your options and the Collaborative Divorce Process, please do not hesitate to reach out. (734) 531-8554; jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Co-Parenting During COVID-19 Crisis

Parents in Michigan and throughout the world have many questions about how to handle custody and parenting time issues during this global pandemic.  It’s normal to feel like stress is at an all-time high due to uncertain job conditions, school closures, physical distancing, concerns about health and wellness, and the list goes on.

A healthy and cooperative co-parenting relationship is crucial during these times.  Many parents are reaching out to their family law attorneys asking if “They are required to follow the existing parenting time order?” or “Can I reach an agreement with the other parent to modify the current parenting time order?”  or “What do we do if our children or the other parent might have COVID-19 or be at risk of exposure of COVID-19?”

Keep in mind that while many adults are scared and trying to approach this COVID-19 outbreak on a day-by-day basis, your children are also scared.  They are looking to their parents for love, support, and stability during an otherwise very uncertain time.  Putting your children first and continuous communication regarding their well-being will help your family get through this crisis. 

The Michigan State Court Administrator’s Office has produced an Advisory regarding Custody and Parenting Time during the COVID-19 Outbreak here:

https://courts.michigan.gov/Administration/SCAO/Resources/Documents/COVID-19/CustodyPT-FAQ.pdf

It is impossible for this Advisory to cover every single possibility/question and each family’s situation will be fact specific.  Use this document as a guideline and review the helpful links cited within the document. In addition, if you still have questions regarding your specific circumstances, do not hesitate to reach out to discuss options and creative ideas for handling your situation.  Throughout the month of April, I am offering complimentary, 30 minute phone and/or video consultations to help families through the unique circumstances of this COVID-19 crisis.  Please do not hesitate to reach out for support.  Together we can get through hard things. (734) 531-8554; jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Stay safe and healthy,
Jessica

Remote Mediation During COVID-19 Restrictions

Alternative Dispute Resolution (“ADR”), i.e. resolving issues out-of-court, has always been an important component of family law cases; however, during the COVID-19 shutdown and restrictions, it is now more important than ever.  Except for true emergencies, courthouses have suspended in-person hearings.  This leaves many families questioning how they will continue to manage their current family court case or questioning how to initiate the custody or divorce process if they have not already done so. 

Mediation is an out-of-court process where a neutral, third party (the mediator) facilitates a discussion between parties to resolve outstanding issues regarding custody, parenting time, child and spousal support, property settlement, and/or any other issues involved in your family law matters.   Prior to COVID-19, these mediation sessions took place at the mediator’s office, a private room at the courthouse, one of the attorney’s offices (if attorneys were involved), or another agreed upon location.  Perhaps one of the silver linings of this pandemic is highlighting other cost-effective, convenient means of conducting mediation, i.e. remote, video conferences.   

Videoconferencing platforms, such as Zoom, permit joint rooms and separate, “breakout rooms” to maintain privacy.  For security, the host can set up a unique password for the scheduled session and each participant is sent to a “waiting room” for the host to accept them into the session, to ensure random individuals are not granted access.

If you are unfamiliar with Zoom video conferencing, check out a tutorial here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMUxzrgZvZQ&t=124s

Families need support during this time of uncertainty.  Many family law attorneys and mediators are adapting to the fast pace changes that take place day-to-day during this global pandemic.  As a family law mediator, I am offering video conferencing for mediation sessions.  Whether couples would like to mediate the issues with or without attorneys, I have the ability to offer private, safe spaces to resolve conflict and de-escalate tension.   While many of us prefer the face-to-face sessions, we cannot put support for these families on hold.  I am doing everything in my power to help people feel comfortable with these updated processes.

If you or someone you know is struggling with how to move forward with their current case or would like to initiate a new process, please do not hesitate to reach out.  Mediation is not appropriate for all families or issues; however, it is worthwhile to explore this option specific to your own circumstances.  Please reach out at (734) 531-8554 or jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com.
Stay safe and healthy,

Jessica

Collaborative Divorce Process and COVID-19

Even prior to COVID-19 court closures, families chose the out-of-court, Collaborative Divorce Process to maintain control over decision-making and confidentiality of their divorce matters. This Process has always been client-centered and a more respectful, humane way to resolve conflict and de-escalate the natural tension that comes along with a major life transition like divorce. Most important during uncertain times like these, the couple will control the timeline of the Process and they do not need to depend on the court system.

From the outset, the Collaborative Divorce Process is geared toward settlement. Each spouse will retain their own collaboratively trained attorney (*note: an active collaboratively trained attorney in MI will have a “Member in Good Standing” Badge with the current year displayed on their website, letterhead, and/or in their e-mail signature lines). Then, the spouses and their attorneys will sign a Collaborative Participation Agreement (“CPA”) which outlines the Process guidelines and confirms the couple’s commitment to the Collaborative Divorce Process. Other team members may be added, as agreed upon, including a financial neutral; mental health professionals (aka divorce coaches); child specialist; business valuator, and any other helpful professionals for the family’s unique circumstances. The Team will hold as many settlement meetings as needed to generate options and reach a full and final, confidential, binding settlement agreement. In between Team settlement meetings, the couple may meet with their divorce coach re: the co-parenting relationship, parenting time plan, etc. and the financial neutral to gather any and all relevant financial data to create budgets and assets & liabilities spreadsheets. In the end, the family will have a tailored and long-lasting resolution, preventing the need for post-judgment issues.

With the COVID-19 outbreak, families can still proceed with the Collaborative Divorce Process and it can function effectively. Team meetings are held via videoconferencing. The team professionals can still meet frequently via phone and/or video conferences to discuss progress and next steps for the couple. Documents can continue to be shared electronically, as they were prior to COVID-19.

In the end, when a final settlement agreement is reached, the Team will help the couple navigate entry of all final documents through the court system (which may also be through Video conferencing depending on the length and severity of the COVID-19 outbreak). While the courthouse restrictions change on a daily basis, the Team will stay up-to-date and guide the clients to the finish line.

As a collaboratively trained attorney and family law mediator, my goal is to move families forward in a respectful and peaceful atmosphere by utilizing out-of-court, client-centered problem-solving methods. Please do not hesitate to reach out for direction related to your specific circumstances (734) 531-8554 or jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com.

Before You File For Divorce, You MUST Read This!

It is understandable that in the beginning stages of a divorce you may be experiencing feelings of confusion, anger, loss or sadness. It is also normal to feel unprepared and unsure of where to start.

Gone are the days where divorce actions must be initiated by filing a Complaint for Divorce at your local Circuit Court. There are many alternative options that promote settlement prior to filing the case and promote the opportunity for healing.

A growing number of couples and professionals (lawyers, financial advisors, and mental health professionals) are utilizing the Collaborative Divorce Process, which is a much more humane and respectful option for the divorce transition. At the outset, the Process is intentionally geared toward settlement. Here are some characteristics of the Collaborative Process:

• The couples pledge not to go to Court;

• An open, honest, and confidential exchange of information between the couple;

• Helps maintain important relationships;

• Approaches settlement discussions based on interests and concerns rather than positions;

• Cost efficient process for gathering and exchanging financial information, avoiding timely and expensive, traditional discovery methods;

• Encourages mutual respect;

• The couple maintains control of the process;

• Forward-thinking journey for the family;

• A Team atmosphere committed to the whole family; and

• The Team is not focused on a specific outcome, but rather, on how they can help the family.

It is important to note that Collaborative does not mean conflict-free. However, the Team utilizes respectful methods and strategies to resolve and diminish conflict in a Team atmosphere, rather than exacerbating conflict through the adversarial nature of divorce proceedings through the court system.

Not all family law attorneys are Collaboratively trained, and therefore, this option might not be discussed at an initial consultation. It is important to meet with an attorney who has completed the Basic Collaborative Training and regularly handles Collaborative cases. Jessica has dedicated her practice to problem solving methods that keep families out of court, put children first, and promote healing. To learn more about the Collaborative Process and other divorce options, please do not hesitate to reach out at (734) 531-8554 or jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com.

10 Benefits of Mediation

Mediation is a positive alternative to traditional court proceedings, especially in the family law arena which deals with sensitive and complex issues.  Mediation is an out-of-court process that involves a neutral, third party [the mediator] who facilitates a conversation between spouses to help them reach a mutually satisfying resolution.  Below are 10 key benefits of the mediation process.

1. Cost-effective.
2. The parties control the discussion and outcome.
3. The mediator can provide more time and attention; the parties are not just another case number to be called by the Judge after sitting for hours in the courtroom.
4. The parties do not have to feel pressured or rushed into a decision.  The parties can control the tempo and the timeline based on their unique circumstances.
5. Mediation leads to detailed and well-thought-out resolutions.
6. Allows for greater stability post-divorce, as parties will often have a step-by-step game plan for handling issues that arise and/or they agree to return to mediation.
7. The parties can agree to invite various professionals to the mediation sessions to help explore options.  For example, the parties may want a mortgage lender on hand to discuss refinancing options or a CPA to discuss tax consequences of certain transactions.
8. Confidential and private.  If a resolution is not reached at mediation, conversations that took place during the mediation cannot be used against either party at a later date in Court.  As for privacy, mediation often takes place in the attorney's or mediator's office and when an agreement is reached, a private Mediation Agreement is drafted and signed by the parties and it does not have to be filed with the Court. 
9.  Encourages creative problem solving unique to each family, not cookie-cutter solutions/agreements.
10. Preserves Relationships. Mediation encourages a respectful restructuring of the family, helping the parties to think about goals versus positions.

Attorney Jessica Pospiech Heltsley enjoys her role as a mediator.  She has helped many couples successfully restructure during their divorce process and, ultimately, save a lot of time, money, and stress.  If you are interested in hearing more about mediation and Jessica's process, please do not hesitate to reach out: (734) 531-8554; jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com.

Co-Parenting Tips for Divorced Parents

Practicing exclusively in family law, I have seen many co-parenting relationships spiral out of control, but I have also seen many parents succeed.  Most rewarding, I have worked with clients who, at our initial meeting, tell me there is no hope of co-parenting with their soon-to-be ex-spouse, but later find out that with the right mindset and communication tools, it can work for the sake of their children.  The parents transform and work together in ways they couldn't imagine at the start of their process.

In my opinion, based on what I have seen, one of the hardest parts of a co-parenting relationship is putting aside the hurt, anger, or other feelings that adults experience during the divorce process.  It is certainly important to address the emotional aspects of a divorce and there are many options for clients as they move through the process (e.g. therapy, life coach, yoga, other self-care regimens, etc.). The key is to avoid working through these feelings in the presence of the children.

When children see their divorced/separated parents communicating respectfully, attending sport/extracurricular events in the same building, and appreciating one another as a parent, children can thrive.  Do not just take it from me.  I came across this wonderful article, "Co-Parenting Tips for Divorced Parents" at Helpguide.org and it provides some wonderful tips for those who are interested in a successful co-parenting relationship.  It all starts with a desire to make it work, knowing that each parent will learn along the way; we are all human and make mistakes, but putting the kids at the forefront will be worth your while.

How is your co-parenting relationship?  If you have a success story you'd like to share, I'd love to hear about it!  Please feel free to reach out: (734) 531-8554; jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com.

Tax Changes and Divorcing Couples

There are many news articles out there discussing how the new tax legislation will affect divorcing couples.  Many articles claim that the number of couples choosing to divorce this year will increase due to the changes that affect alimony, which do not come into effect until January 1, 2019.  While I am not a tax expert, I continue to stay up-to-date with how legislation can affect my clients.

Here is the link to an article explaining the key changes that affect divorcing couples: What Does the 2017 Tax Law Mean for Divorcing Couples?

Couples facing divorce are usually dealing with the fear of the unknown.  Changes in the tax legislation can add to that fear, making some couples feel like they need to rush to Court and hurry through a settlement.  However, there are other options.  Couples can choose a more dignified divorce process, the Collaborative Divorce Process, that allows them to sit down and problem solve with a team of professionals, which can include a financial neutral and tax experts.  Restructuring one's family is not something that should be thrown together overnight, but rather, it should involve detailed, well-thought out solutions, unique to each family's situation.   Find comfort in having a team of professionals there for you to help you think creatively and plan for the future.  If you're interested in learning more, please do not hesitate to contact me and schedule a consultation about your divorce options: (734) 531-8554; jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com.

Does Your Lawyer Encourage Healing?

When you think of an attorney, what defining qualities come to mind?  How about peacemaker, problem solver, or counselor?  Some people assume that in order to be a successful attorney, one must be aggressive and zealous.  However, it is very possible for an attorney to advocate for their client while simultaneously encouraging a respectful tone and atmosphere among the legal disputes.  This is especially the case with family law issues.  

Attorneys specializing in family law are dealing with some of the most intimate and sensitive issues in people's lives.  The attorneys should not be there to exacerbate the issues and differences between the parties, but rather, to help the parties cope with feelings of hurt or anger and to collaborate with the appropriate professionals for specific issues (e.g. therapists, financial advisers, etc.)  Attorneys are educators regarding the law but they should also be guiding their clients to the right resources.  The end goal is to help a family restructure in such a way that they feel confident about their future and their children's future.  

I've had clients meet with me who were scared of their previous attorney.  They were afraid to call the attorney and "bother" them and they were also afraid of how much the attorney would upset their spouse - "stirring the pot" so to say.  It is extremely important that you feel comfortable with your attorney.  Family law matters will often last for several months or even years; that is a long time to commit to a relationship with someone you're afraid to approach. 

While it might seem difficult to view your attorney in this light, I challenge you to think about the personality traits you'd like your attorney to have as they guide you through a difficult and emotional process.  What traits do you envision?  How do you want to feel after interactions with your attorney?

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Divorce Does Not Need to Destroy Holiday Celebrations

When going through a divorce, it is usually hard for parents to imagine spending any holiday time away from their children.  Most parents will agree to a holiday parenting schedule that alternates major holidays on an annual basis.  For example, 1 parent receives Christmas Eve in even-numbered years and Christmas Day in odd-numbered years, and the remainder of school break is divided equally.  Sometimes this is the only "fair" way to divide the time that both parents want every year and it is often used as a "default" schedule in the event of a disagreement.  

What if your family has special traditions or travels for the holidays?  The beauty of utilizing methods such as the Collaborative Divorce Practice is to give parents the opportunity to have a genuine and detailed discussion about schedules with their children.  When parents can sit down and discuss their feelings and take the time to listen to each other, results can be amazing.  Implementing this mutual respect also encourages parents to work together to make changes to the schedule when necessary.

It is important for parents to take advantage of the quality time that they do receive each year and to encourage the children to have fun with the other parent, as well.  Children should never feel "bad" for having to leave a parent during the holiday.  They should be able to enjoy time at each home.  If the children feel like their separated parents support the schedule, they will have good feelings about it, too.  

If you're considering divorce but worry about the parenting time schedule, holidays, and important details of raising your children with a soon to be ex-spouse, find out more about the collaborative process.  Divorce is stressful enough.

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

17th Annual Collaborative Professionals Networking & Educational Forum

IACP stands for International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and I am a proud member of this group.  Every year, the IACP holds an International Forum where collaborative professionals from all over the world join together for networking and educational experiences.  This year, the Forum was held in Las Vegas, Nevada.  I had the pleasure of meeting professionals from all over the United States, Canada, Europe, and China.  It's hard to put into words the energy and inspiration that I felt while attending this event.  These collaborative professionals and I truly believe in the Collaborative Practice.  We see the many benefits and life-changing moments that this process can bring to our clients during difficult and emotional times in life.

The Collaborative Practice is an out-of-court process for handling divorce and family law matters. Parties will work with a team of collaboratively trained professionals in an atmosphere much more conducive to the emotions parties experience during these difficult times.  This process focuses not only on the divorce, but on the future and toward positive restructuring the family. The parties can utilize neutral professionals such as a divorce coach, financial specialist, and child specialist to help with the various issues.  Each spouse will also have their own collaboratively trained attorney to represent them.  At the end of the day, the clients are making the decisions about their family, not a Judge.  The process also promotes an atmosphere of mutual respect, maintains confidentiality, and requires open and full disclosure so that the clients can make informed decisions.

The Collaborative Practice is one option for parties going through a divorce in Michigan.  To find out about the other options and to decide if the collaborative approach is right for your family, meet with a collaboratively trained professional to find out more.  You can locate collaborative professionals in Michigan at www.collaborativepracticemi.org.  Also, please do not hesitate to contact my office to learn more:

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Minor Children & Post-Divorce Changes

I had the opportunity to speak with some adults who were children of a divorce.  A common theme that was reflected on was the number of changes the individual experienced after their parents' divorce.  The adults that I spoke with remember feeling as if they weren't always the #1 priority in their parents' lives during and immediately after the divorce.  For example, one person commented that they felt one of their parents was more interested in finding a new romantic partner than spending quality time with the children.  The individual, as a child, still needed time to wrap her head around the idea that her parents were divorced, let alone start to meet potential stepparents.  While it's certainly not wrong or uncommon for individuals to move on romantically after a divorce, timing can mean everything when children are involved.  Perhaps the adult feels ready to date, but the child may not be ready to meet anyone new right away.   It's important to be extra sensitive to children's feelings during and after the divorce and to make sure you're checking in on them often.  Of course, every child is different - age, maturity, and level of conflict during the divorce, can all play a role in how families restructure.    

A common phrase is that "children are resilient."  Even if that is true, it's important to stay in tune with your children's feelings. The children may "seem" to be doing "fine" but there might be deeper issues or feelings that are not being addressed.  It's important to recognize when it might be beneficial to enroll children in counseling to help them cope with all of the changes and the stress of the divorce.  In the Collaborative Divorce Process, neutral child specialists can be retained to meet with the children and find out how they are handling the divorce and to learn what the children would like to see happen.  There are other methods and professionals to help the children during the divorce process, as well, and you should meet with an attorney to discuss these options.

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Make Child Support Payment in Cash - New PayNearMe Option!

Want to make a cash payment toward your child support obligation?  Now you can, statewide!  Check out the link below to learn more about the new PayNearMe option that allows parents to pay child support with cash at any 7-Eleven or Family Dollar Store. 

https://www.3rdcc.org/Documents/Administration/General/PressReleases/PR_PayNearMe_Child_Support_Payment_Option.pdf

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Divorcing Couple Mistaken for Best Friends

This morning I was sitting outside of the courtroom next to a man and woman who were waiting to be officially divorced by the Judge.  I knew this because their conversation clearly discussed exchanges and transactions associated with divorce (e.g. visit to Secretary of State to transfer title of vehicles and discussions about parenting time exchanges and their children).   However, had I not heard the actual details of the conversation and only focused on the tone, non-verbal communication, and facial expressions of the people, I would have thought they were best friends discussing their latest adventures in life together.  The amount of respect these individuals had for one another was fascinating and refreshing.  I knew right away the couple had to have utilized the collaborative practice for their divorce, or at least mediation.

Sure enough, once in the courtroom, it was made clear to me that they did in fact utilize collaborative divorce attorneys and, based on what I observed, their children’s future is in good hands even with separated parents.  The power of collaborating through your divorce process never ceases to amaze me when you observe the benefits firsthand.  These individuals committed to a process that focused on quality solutions.  They were able to resolve issues with one another in a manner that did not damage their children.  It’s amazing to think about the future you can create for your family when respect and honesty are at the forefront of a process and parties are able to directly participate in finding solutions.  The process is still likely to involve intense discussions and disagreements; however, when emotions are navigated through a calm and honest atmosphere, solutions can be found and relationships can be restructured and repaired.  Had the parties immediately resorted to filing motions and planning attacks against one another in the courtroom when divorce discussions got hard, I’m sure I would have been listening to a much different conversation in the court hallway this morning.

If you are considering divorce and think the collaborative practice might be a good option for your family, please do not hesitate to contact me for more information.  Educate yourself on the different methods for handling a divorce and if it is at all possible to salvage respect with your spouse and protect your children from the often damaging effects of divorce, you should at least find out more.  

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Collaborative Divorce Positively Restructures Families, Protects Children, and Diffuses Fear of the Unknown

Whether you’ve personally been through a divorce or not, I’m sure there are many words that come to mind when you hear the “D” word: fear, high conflict, damaged children, stress, blindsided, misunderstood, disrespect, etc.  The list goes on and on.

Does the divorce process HAVE to generate fear and negative feelings?  Absolutely not.  More and more divorcing couples are starting to realize that, while divorce will always remain an emotional and life-changing event, it does not have to destroy a family.  A Collaborative Divorce completely changes how a family proceeds through their divorce.  This process takes away the threat of Court and provides a safer and less stressful environment for resolving conflict.  This safe environment involves a series of meetings guided by collaboratively trained professionals including lawyers, mental health professionals, child specialists, and financial advisers to negotiate settlement.   The key to a Collaborative Divorce is the profound respect provided to both parties and their interests/values, as well as the professional support to manage the emotional landscape.  If children are involved, parties have the ability to write the story of their children’s divorce and protect them from the damaging effects of high conflict.

Choosing the collaborative process does not mean that the parties are walking into the divorce 100% agreeable on all terms.  Emotions can still be high, conflicts exist, and there are often deep feelings of hurt and distrust.  However, the good news is that this process will deal with the hurt and conflict in a respectful manner, allowing the parties to address their emotions with the help of a divorce coach.  Imagine being intimately involved in crafting creative solutions for your family and finding some closure to the pain you feel during the divorce process.   THAT is what helps a family positively restructure post-divorce.  THAT is what diffuses fear of the unknown and endless Court battles in the future which often lead to less closure and increased conflict.  When parties are in control of the settlement process, they understand and appreciate the intricate details of their agreement and can move forward accordingly.

The most important thing to understand is that YOU HAVE OPTIONS.  Make sure you contact an attorney who will describe the various divorce options available to you and your spouse – i.e. litigation, mediation, arbitration, or Collaborative Divorce.  The reality is that only about 2% of divorce cases actually go to trial, so give yourself the ability to dictate the tone of your divorce and do not assume that it has to be a litigious Court battle based on conflicting positions.

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Divorce and Abandonment

It is a common misconception that if you leave the marital home during the divorce process, you will face issues with “abandonment.”  Often times, it is a spouse throwing around this word to instill fear, but without any real understanding of what it means.

Once a divorce case is filed, although it is often awkward and a little uncomfortable, both parties have the right to remain in the marital home until the divorce is finalized.  However, it is not uncommon that at some point in time it becomes unbearable for parties to continue living together. Sometimes, there are serious safety concerns (physical abuse, substance abuse issues, etc.) that require one spouse to leave the home.

Despite what your spouse may threaten, if you do leave the home during the divorce process, the marital home still remains an asset to equitably divide.  However, this usually means that the two of you will continue sharing all household expenses in the same manner that you were prior to the filing for divorce. Therefore, prior to moving out it is important to consider this financial dilemma.  Some individuals are fortunate enough to have family members or friends nearby to stay with, free of charge, while the divorce settlement is negotiated.  Even though the home is still considered a marital asset, it is important to consider the length of time that you will be out of the home, as this may affect who is ultimately awarded the home in the divorce and you may want to make arrangements to gather your personal belongings to avoid items being destroyed or disappearing.

It is another misconception that by moving out of the marital home during the divorce process, you will be “charged” with abandonment for leaving your children.  If you have children, the best option is to work out a temporary custody, parenting time, and support agreement prior to moving so that you and your spouse ensure that the children maintain a healthy relationship with both of you.  If you cannot work out an agreement regarding your children prior to moving, then contact an attorney immediately.  You want to ensure that you are having some sort of contact with your children pending the divorce to protect yourself with respect to custody and parenting time issues.  This situation should not to be confused with the State of Michigan charging a parent for criminal neglect and abuse of a child (see Michigan’s statute MCL 750.136bfor definitions).

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Information Needed To Run Child Support

The child support amount recommended by the Michigan Child Support Formula is presumed accurate.  The formula is based on the needs of the child and the actual resources of each parent.  Therefore, it is important that you provide your attorney with detailed information to input into the formula for an accurate result.

The following is a list of some of the most important information that you should gather prior to meeting with your attorney to run child support numbers:

• Your gross annual income and opposing party’s gross annual income;
• Provide most recent tax return, W-2’s, 1099’s, year-to-date paystubs, bonus information, and other income information.  If income varies year-to-year for either party, it is helpful to review the 3 previous years’ of income to determine an average.
• Any monthly health care costs provided for the minor child(ren) by you and/or the other party (note: it is important to obtain information that illustrates what your monthly payments would be if you just covered yourself versus what you pay to add the child(ren) – the difference in those amounts is what you will receive credit for in the formula);
• The number of overnights that each parent exercises (note: in some situations, this is still an unknown number as the parties are still working on a parenting time arrangement, the formula can be run with a few different options to get an idea of the child support amount);
• The monthly/annual amount of work-related daycare expenses paid by either party.
• Information regarding mandatory retirement plan contributions as a condition of employment.
• Any other mandatory withholdings as a condition of employment (e.g. union dues).
• Amount of alimony paid to spouses from prior marriages.

Every situation is unique and sometimes the income information is more complex, like in situations where a party runs their own business or bonus and overtime payments vary drastically month-to-month.  However, the above list is a good starting point when discussing child support.  It is important that you share your specific circumstances with an attorney, as the information can largely affect how the numbers are ran.  As a parent, you want to ensure that the minor child(ren) are receiving adequate support while at each parent’s household.

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Social Media Safety

At the beginning of any divorce or custody matter, I talk to my clients about appropriate use of social media (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.).  While I don’t necessarily recommend completely shutting down all of your social media pages, I DO recommend that you withhold from writing any posts on your own page and writing comments on other people’s pages. Reason being, I have seen social media used against parties far too often in the emotional and contentious divorce and custody world.  Whether your post was a joke, lighthearted, or a mistake, it might be used against you.

While the article below does not involve individuals going through a divorce or custody dispute, it’s an interesting read about the consequences of posting negative information on Facebook about another individual.

Woman Puts Vulgar Posts About Ex-Friend on Facebook

It’s understandable that we are all excited to utilize Facebook’s newest emojis (Facebook’s New Emojis), but be extremely cautious about your activity on social media pages, especially when you are involved in a pending divorce or custody matter

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com