Divorcing Couple Mistaken for Best Friends

This morning I was sitting outside of the courtroom next to a man and woman who were waiting to be officially divorced by the Judge.  I knew this because their conversation clearly discussed exchanges and transactions associated with divorce (e.g. visit to Secretary of State to transfer title of vehicles and discussions about parenting time exchanges and their children).   However, had I not heard the actual details of the conversation and only focused on the tone, non-verbal communication, and facial expressions of the people, I would have thought they were best friends discussing their latest adventures in life together.  The amount of respect these individuals had for one another was fascinating and refreshing.  I knew right away the couple had to have utilized the collaborative practice for their divorce, or at least mediation.

Sure enough, once in the courtroom, it was made clear to me that they did in fact utilize collaborative divorce attorneys and, based on what I observed, their children’s future is in good hands even with separated parents.  The power of collaborating through your divorce process never ceases to amaze me when you observe the benefits firsthand.  These individuals committed to a process that focused on quality solutions.  They were able to resolve issues with one another in a manner that did not damage their children.  It’s amazing to think about the future you can create for your family when respect and honesty are at the forefront of a process and parties are able to directly participate in finding solutions.  The process is still likely to involve intense discussions and disagreements; however, when emotions are navigated through a calm and honest atmosphere, solutions can be found and relationships can be restructured and repaired.  Had the parties immediately resorted to filing motions and planning attacks against one another in the courtroom when divorce discussions got hard, I’m sure I would have been listening to a much different conversation in the court hallway this morning.

If you are considering divorce and think the collaborative practice might be a good option for your family, please do not hesitate to contact me for more information.  Educate yourself on the different methods for handling a divorce and if it is at all possible to salvage respect with your spouse and protect your children from the often damaging effects of divorce, you should at least find out more.  

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Collaborative Divorce Positively Restructures Families, Protects Children, and Diffuses Fear of the Unknown

Whether you’ve personally been through a divorce or not, I’m sure there are many words that come to mind when you hear the “D” word: fear, high conflict, damaged children, stress, blindsided, misunderstood, disrespect, etc.  The list goes on and on.

Does the divorce process HAVE to generate fear and negative feelings?  Absolutely not.  More and more divorcing couples are starting to realize that, while divorce will always remain an emotional and life-changing event, it does not have to destroy a family.  A Collaborative Divorce completely changes how a family proceeds through their divorce.  This process takes away the threat of Court and provides a safer and less stressful environment for resolving conflict.  This safe environment involves a series of meetings guided by collaboratively trained professionals including lawyers, mental health professionals, child specialists, and financial advisers to negotiate settlement.   The key to a Collaborative Divorce is the profound respect provided to both parties and their interests/values, as well as the professional support to manage the emotional landscape.  If children are involved, parties have the ability to write the story of their children’s divorce and protect them from the damaging effects of high conflict.

Choosing the collaborative process does not mean that the parties are walking into the divorce 100% agreeable on all terms.  Emotions can still be high, conflicts exist, and there are often deep feelings of hurt and distrust.  However, the good news is that this process will deal with the hurt and conflict in a respectful manner, allowing the parties to address their emotions with the help of a divorce coach.  Imagine being intimately involved in crafting creative solutions for your family and finding some closure to the pain you feel during the divorce process.   THAT is what helps a family positively restructure post-divorce.  THAT is what diffuses fear of the unknown and endless Court battles in the future which often lead to less closure and increased conflict.  When parties are in control of the settlement process, they understand and appreciate the intricate details of their agreement and can move forward accordingly.

The most important thing to understand is that YOU HAVE OPTIONS.  Make sure you contact an attorney who will describe the various divorce options available to you and your spouse – i.e. litigation, mediation, arbitration, or Collaborative Divorce.  The reality is that only about 2% of divorce cases actually go to trial, so give yourself the ability to dictate the tone of your divorce and do not assume that it has to be a litigious Court battle based on conflicting positions.

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Divorce and Abandonment

It is a common misconception that if you leave the marital home during the divorce process, you will face issues with “abandonment.”  Often times, it is a spouse throwing around this word to instill fear, but without any real understanding of what it means.

Once a divorce case is filed, although it is often awkward and a little uncomfortable, both parties have the right to remain in the marital home until the divorce is finalized.  However, it is not uncommon that at some point in time it becomes unbearable for parties to continue living together. Sometimes, there are serious safety concerns (physical abuse, substance abuse issues, etc.) that require one spouse to leave the home.

Despite what your spouse may threaten, if you do leave the home during the divorce process, the marital home still remains an asset to equitably divide.  However, this usually means that the two of you will continue sharing all household expenses in the same manner that you were prior to the filing for divorce. Therefore, prior to moving out it is important to consider this financial dilemma.  Some individuals are fortunate enough to have family members or friends nearby to stay with, free of charge, while the divorce settlement is negotiated.  Even though the home is still considered a marital asset, it is important to consider the length of time that you will be out of the home, as this may affect who is ultimately awarded the home in the divorce and you may want to make arrangements to gather your personal belongings to avoid items being destroyed or disappearing.

It is another misconception that by moving out of the marital home during the divorce process, you will be “charged” with abandonment for leaving your children.  If you have children, the best option is to work out a temporary custody, parenting time, and support agreement prior to moving so that you and your spouse ensure that the children maintain a healthy relationship with both of you.  If you cannot work out an agreement regarding your children prior to moving, then contact an attorney immediately.  You want to ensure that you are having some sort of contact with your children pending the divorce to protect yourself with respect to custody and parenting time issues.  This situation should not to be confused with the State of Michigan charging a parent for criminal neglect and abuse of a child (see Michigan’s statute MCL 750.136bfor definitions).

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Information Needed To Run Child Support

The child support amount recommended by the Michigan Child Support Formula is presumed accurate.  The formula is based on the needs of the child and the actual resources of each parent.  Therefore, it is important that you provide your attorney with detailed information to input into the formula for an accurate result.

The following is a list of some of the most important information that you should gather prior to meeting with your attorney to run child support numbers:

• Your gross annual income and opposing party’s gross annual income;
• Provide most recent tax return, W-2’s, 1099’s, year-to-date paystubs, bonus information, and other income information.  If income varies year-to-year for either party, it is helpful to review the 3 previous years’ of income to determine an average.
• Any monthly health care costs provided for the minor child(ren) by you and/or the other party (note: it is important to obtain information that illustrates what your monthly payments would be if you just covered yourself versus what you pay to add the child(ren) – the difference in those amounts is what you will receive credit for in the formula);
• The number of overnights that each parent exercises (note: in some situations, this is still an unknown number as the parties are still working on a parenting time arrangement, the formula can be run with a few different options to get an idea of the child support amount);
• The monthly/annual amount of work-related daycare expenses paid by either party.
• Information regarding mandatory retirement plan contributions as a condition of employment.
• Any other mandatory withholdings as a condition of employment (e.g. union dues).
• Amount of alimony paid to spouses from prior marriages.

Every situation is unique and sometimes the income information is more complex, like in situations where a party runs their own business or bonus and overtime payments vary drastically month-to-month.  However, the above list is a good starting point when discussing child support.  It is important that you share your specific circumstances with an attorney, as the information can largely affect how the numbers are ran.  As a parent, you want to ensure that the minor child(ren) are receiving adequate support while at each parent’s household.

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com

Social Media Safety

At the beginning of any divorce or custody matter, I talk to my clients about appropriate use of social media (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.).  While I don’t necessarily recommend completely shutting down all of your social media pages, I DO recommend that you withhold from writing any posts on your own page and writing comments on other people’s pages. Reason being, I have seen social media used against parties far too often in the emotional and contentious divorce and custody world.  Whether your post was a joke, lighthearted, or a mistake, it might be used against you.

While the article below does not involve individuals going through a divorce or custody dispute, it’s an interesting read about the consequences of posting negative information on Facebook about another individual.

Woman Puts Vulgar Posts About Ex-Friend on Facebook

It’s understandable that we are all excited to utilize Facebook’s newest emojis (Facebook’s New Emojis), but be extremely cautious about your activity on social media pages, especially when you are involved in a pending divorce or custody matter

Pospiech Family Law & Mediation, PLLC is focused on finding resolutions that help your family move forward.  Attorney Jessica L. Pospiech provides a calming influence and gives her clients the care and attention that is so necessary for families facing difficult and emotional circumstances.  Ms. Pospiech ensures that she is readily available for her clients’ questions and concerns.  Please do not hesitate to reach out.  

              P: (734) 531-8554

              E: jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com