As a collaboratively trained family law attorney, one of the process options that I discuss at my consultations is the Collaborative Divorce Process. In this process, each spouse retains a collaboratively trained attorney and the couple commits to settling all of their issues outside of Court with a Team of professionals. In addition to the 2 attorneys and 2 spouses, the Team usually includes a financial neutral, divorce coach (mental health professional) and sometimes a business valuation expert and/or child specialist, depending on the family’s assets and needs. The Team will review and sign a Collaborative Participation Agreement outlining the guidelines of the process and committing to this non-adversarial approach.
Sounds respectful, kind, and helpful, right? You are on board. But… what about your spouse? How do you initiate the conversation and where do you begin? Collaborative seems so new and your family members and friends who were recently divorced used the adversarial court process, which you’d like to avoid at all costs.
DO NOT PANIC. This is what the collaboratively trained attorney is here for! I have utilized many different options to help clients explore this process with their spouse. It might take some time and further research, but ultimately, if you and your spouse are like-minded in terms of the process you’d like to use, the Collaborative Process can be a very viable option.
Ideas that I have used with some of my Collaborative clients:
Offer a joint process consultation so both spouses can learn about the Collaborative Divorce Process and hear the same thing at the same time. They will also benefit from hearing each other’s questions and the answers to those questions. Thereafter, I can refer the spouse to other collaboratively trained attorneys so they can interview someone 1-on-1, as well.
I can draft a detailed letter to your spouse, explaining the Collaborative Process and providing a list of other collaboratively trained attorneys that the spouse can meet with/interview for more details.
I can refer the client and his/her/they spouse to a collaboratively trained divorce coach who can explain the Collaborative Divorce Process and answer any questions. The divorce coach can also further explain his/her/their role as the neutral divorce coach on the Team.
Send resources to your spouse, e.g. (a) the website for the MI Collaborative Practice Institute of MI; (b) the video on my website regarding the Collaborative Process; or (c) The Story of the Orange video from California. Allow your spouse some time for individual research before discussing a 2nd follow up option (e.g. 1-3 above).
OR, other ideas that come up during our consultation based on your specific concerns and goals. If you are interested in the Collaborative Process, it is worthwhile exploring with your spouse. It is completely normal to be a little scared of initiating this conversation, but I am here to guide you through that process and find a method that resonates with you and makes you feel the most comfortable. We are a team from the beginning.
If you’d like to learn more about the Collaborative Divorce Process - please do not hesitate to reach out and schedule a consultation with Jessica Heltsley. (734) 531-8554; jessica@mifamilylawfirm.com.
-JH-